Sometimes I get creative...

When thinking about my half empty 30 gig iPod, I created this little tune in my head, sung to the tune of "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas.

What'cha gonna do with all them gigs
All them gigs inside that Pod?
I'mma play, play, play, play you songs
Play you songs songs all night long.

I Support the Unions!!

Especially writers. They take nothing and make funny. Or tragic. They should be compensated fairly for that talent.

Thanks to the writers and actors of The Office for making this funny video and helping a consumer like me understand what's going on with all this picket-y pop.

A: Freak. Scum. Witch. Cotton Balls.

Q: What is the TBS version of the Old School "ear muffs" scene and exactly why good movies shouldn't be allowed to be altered and shown on basic cable.

You're my boy, Blue.

Also -

100th POST!!!

On this auspicious occasion, let's got back to my roots and remember from whence the Blog o' Lizzie Musar came.

The year was 2004, and I looked like this:


I lived with my friends on a college campus seemingly built for impromptu picnics and finding your niche.

Exactly three years ago, this picture was taken:

(To preserve the Google identity of my friend in drag, I won't name names, but I will say, he made a fantastic Blair from Facts of Life.)

I was writing papers like crazy:
- By the People: Low Voter Turn Out and the Nature of Democracy in America
- Conscious of a Sinning Nation: The Changing Interpretation of Abolitionism since 1885
- More Than Victims: Women, Children, and a Feminist Interpretation of Trafficking in Persons Law

I invested a fair amount of time in crafting perfect away messages.

The future was only theoretical and rent was a myth.

An affordable dinner meant a can of tuna fish and half a sleeve of crackers.

Bad choices were occasionally worn as a badge of honor, and Mary Prankster was a battle cry.

Like a second-act teenager, I was trying my hardest to figure out adolescent skirmishes in a feigned adult world.

I still had 6 months before real life kicked in, and I couldn't wait. Looking back, this was dumb. D-U-M-B.

It was a damn good life.

I cut open my pepper and found God or a single mother

Imagine my surprise when I sliced into my red bell pepper and found this

My lunch apparently had a good time in my grocer's case, and came home knocked up. I'm not sure who the father was, but seeing as mother and child were now living in my care, I decided it was time to deliver.

Call me crazy, but doesn't this look like Babar, King of the Elephants, holding a giant green apple while wearing a jaunty green witch's hat?

With a quick cut to the umbilical root, pepper fetus becomes pepper baby.

Call the royal guard - Babar has been robbed!!

After giving the mama pepper a c-section, I ate her and threw her dissected baby in the trash. Aren't you glad that I didn't pursue a career in medicine?

Happy birthday, Mom!!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My mom's the best,
Admit it, or I'll fight you!

Happy Birthday, Pussy Cat!!!

I swear, I didn't even WANT the candy

I accidently OD'd on my NovoLog tonight. About an hour ago, I was singing in my car and shot myself up with 10 units of the old rapid acting stuff rather than the correct Levemir. Then I freaked out, because the rapid acting insulin drops your blood sugar very quickly, especially in a dose that is twice the amount that I've ever taken before. When your blood sugar drops that quickly, you pass out, and if you don't eat lots of carbs very quickly, bad things happen.

I was next to a Hollywood Video, so I ran inside and grabbed candy. What doesn't have nuts in it, what is pure sugar? Junior Mints and Kit Kat - perfect! Thanks to our consumer driven obesity epidemic, each came in double serving packs, giving me a whopping 114 carbs in two neat packages. I ate the Kit Kat so fast, I think I heard it screaming for mercy, and then chased it with half the box (so one serving) of Junior Mints. I haven't had that quick a hit of sugar in a year (remember, today is my dia-versary), so I pretty much wanted to puke in about 30 seconds and definitely confirmed that I have a cavity in upper molar.

Then, I started the phone calls. First, to my insurance's emergency nurse, who told me to call Poison Control. With thoughts of neon green Mr. Yuk stickers and big bottles of bleach, I called up Poison Control. Paul, my new Poison Control BFF, kept me testing and talking. Here's how the numbers went - before shot: 144. 15 minutes after shot: 130. 5 minutes later: 140. 5 minutes later: 145. 8 minute drive home (I was trending up and the insulin wasn't going to peak for another 40 minutes - it's ok, really): 140. Ugh, more Junior Mints and a call to Paul.

Paul gives me the green light stop eating Junior Mints (thank God, I hate them now) and to move on to real food. I now have a delicious sweet potato and hot dog waiting for me (mmm, protein and slow acting carbs), and another date to call Paul in two hours after the NovoLog should be working its way out of my system.

Maybe Paul and I will get married and this will be our how-we-met story.

PS: I'm never eating freaking candy again.

Taking a cue from the Monty Python boys and the sunny side of life

Hi everyone. This time last year my pancreas pooped out and it blew, so I'm going to dedicate this August to making the best of bad situations.

Example one - an entire Philippine prison gets down with "Thiller"

Nevermind

Unless Scott Baio is sewing some pants for the pizza delivery stripper girl in their camera-free closet, he and I are no longer BFF's. He will be replaced by Daniel Craig. Done. Daniel Craig and I will have splendid intellectual conversations.

My Celebrity BFF's

With prior posts on the Quaker Oats guy and Charles in Charge, I think I'm officially declairing July to be my month of Blog-tastic Celebrity Fixation.

Celebrities I'd Most Like to be Friends With:
1. Scott Baio - he's just some quirkily messed up
2. Bret Michaels - he's actually kind of funny when he's not sticking his tongue down the throats of desperate women. We can test our blood sugar together, but there's no way I'm sharing needles with that human petri dish - Mama didn't raise no fool.
3. Robbie Williams - whilest recently profiled on MTV Cribs, he broke out with "giz-arden" and "this is where I keep my pants," all with a lovely little accent. The Sound of Music party in the $150,000 home theatre just sealed the deal.
4. Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs guy) - so I can fix him up with my mom
5. Ben Folds - I'd like to learn how to play piano
6. Will Ferrell - he's funny Pearl the Landlord video that everyone has already seen but that I still love

They are all boys. That's weird. I guess that's because I have all the wonderful girl friends a gal could ever need - awwww!!!

I Love Scott Baio

That's all for today.

Wilford Brimley is the voice of my people

Thanks to Roommate Kirkwood for forwarding this to me. I have a new lease on life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATIE MUSAR!!

There once was a sister named Katie
If a pirate, she'd be me matey
She's my teacher of cool
And an asset to every school
On a scale of 1 to 10, she's an 80

Dear Paris Hilton's Parents,

Your daughter just went on Larry King and said that she needed jail to "make her grow up." She needed to go to JAIL to get some perspective and mature a little.

Maybe you didn't do so well in raising her.

Kisses,
Lizzie

Another reason why Apple continues to float my boat

I give you the joys of Photo Booth -






All brought to you by Katie Musar, Long Island hostest with the mostest.

One more thing

A very sad day today, Mr. Wizard has passed away.

I'd like to thank Mr. Wizard for teaching me that:
- you're taller lying down than standing up
- a feather and a quarter fall at the same rate in a vacuum
- you can suck an egg into a bottle using a match and an adult's supervision

Election Update

My guy lost by a landslide.

Turn out = 4.5%

The tagline for the Arlington Sun Gazette Newspaper (which I didn't know even existed until today):
"Reaching the most affluent audience in the DC metro area."

Ugh.

Well, 4.5% of the people spoke and that's that.

I voted for change

I voted for the guy that says everyone wants him to lose. He wants to push the limits of the position to really act as an advocate for Arlington's citizens. He has no chance of winning. And the other guy just seems too comfortable. He's stopped trying.

Also, the other guy has this horrible youtube video up with the Chairman of the Arlington County Board of Directors endorsing him and saying that no one is going to be voting in the primary, so at least you won't have to battle the lines at the polls. I don't know when I get to vote against this guy, but it's on. Maybe I'll even run against him. Voter apathy is not an appropriate marketing tool, dude.

A crisis of democracy

There is an election today in Arlington, VA. The Democratic primary is being held from 6 am to 7 pm, and there is only one contested seat on the ballot - Arlington County Treasurer. Two men who don't appear to like each other very much are running the Democratic nomination. I may be the only person intending to vote who doesn't already personally know these guys, because there doesn't seem to be any information about their actual views. What's a voter to do when all she knows about the candidates is they don't like each other?

So here's the crisis - this is a local election. There's no real advertising (I only found out about the election because of Rachel's astute eye spotting a school board sign on the road), the election has received limited press and none of it is focused on educating the voting public. It's all about the antagonism between the two.

Local politics is where the action happens and where the founders intended for the governing to happen, but there's nothing to help a voter out. Have we all adopted a not-in-my-backyard mentality when it comes to politics? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, people!! Why are we only paying attention to the governing body that is most removed from its constituent body?

So, I'm going to the polls today, and I'll cast my vote based on what I've learned during my 25 minutes of exhaustive research. Assuming that they let me vote without my missing voter registration card. I guess conviction only gets you so far.

Yo, yo, where my WASPs at?

In the fine tradition of Dynamite Hack, I give you the new ad campaign for another kooky not-vodka Smirnoff drink -

Hushed Tones Drive Musar to Madness

You know, good for Ann Curry for getting the Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt interview, but if she doesn't stop feigning this intimate friend/confessor relationship with the poor woman, I'm gonna scream. Ms. Jolie isn't buying it, and neither is anyone else. Use your big girl voice, Ann, speak at full volume and just ask questions.