Sometimes you don't need Quizilla

I am a Meredith. Or at least I was, or have been. I fell into that horrible role (that no one enjoys, btw) of the bad best friend. The best friend who was supposed to remain lucid and caring while their counterpart was allowed to go on their rollercoaster of emotions. The best friend who thought that maybe getting on for one ride couldn't hurt, and wouldn't it be great for everyone if it turned into more. The best friend who was so enticed by the mere description of what to expect, that guards were let down, and not good things resulted.

Only bad people would enjoy this position. Or the reality of this position, I should say. Only bad people would want to hurt their friends for their own gain, even if that gain is just to feel a little better. For everyone else, the offer of unconditional love, of acceptance even when you weren't trying to be accepted, can be a whole lot to turn down. It can be too much to turn down. And that offer can cloud your judgment, it can make you hope for what isn't there, just as the other person is doing.

So it ends up just sucking for everyone. No one is happy, everyone's either been hurt by someone or by their own actions. Blame is getting thrown around and there isn't much in the way of explanation, because no one can really explain. "I just wanted to see" is pretty damn callous, "I wanted to at the time" is equally awful. "It just didn't work" is the only reasonable respone, but by no means an explanation or an answer.

Is Meredith a bad person? I don't think so. The random bar boys were not her attempt to control men or hurt men, she just needed some attention. SHE IS NOT TRYING TO HURT GEORGE. She is going to hurt him, and hopefully that will tear her up inside as some tiny form of penance, but I honestly feel, in the bottom of my Grey's Anatomy loving heart, that she heard George's declaration and fell in love with the sound of it. She became attracted to the way that he made her feel, but not really to him. The former can be just as hard to ignore, though, and we should all remember that.

In other news, I realized today that I'm completely afraid of the military. What with working next to the Pentagon, living next to the nation's capital, and constantly bumping in to these uniform clad, mission-driven, possibly brainwashed hoards people who are FAR stronger than me, I am more than slightly skittish around them. Cammos freak me out more than dress uniforms. Women more than men because I feel like they are better undercover than the men. I'm not wholly convinced that they aren't all a separate alien race, domesticated by Republicans into projected a false picture of security while all the time monitoring and recording every human movement on Earth. I'm not wholly convinced that these GIANT groups of armed people saying the same thing at the same time are really there for my benefit. It's not the agenda of the administration that scares me (though it certainly does), it's the mindset of this mass of people. They do what they are told. That can't be good.

Peace out, kids, I can't take this post anymore. Thanks if you stuck through it all.