Sunday, October 28, 2007

A: Freak. Scum. Witch. Cotton Balls.

Q: What is the TBS version of the Old School "ear muffs" scene and exactly why good movies shouldn't be allowed to be altered and shown on basic cable.

You're my boy, Blue.

Also -

100th POST!!!

On this auspicious occasion, let's got back to my roots and remember from whence the Blog o' Lizzie Musar came.

The year was 2004, and I looked like this:

I lived with my friends on a college campus seemingly built for impromptu picnics and finding your niche.

Exactly three years ago, this picture was taken:

(To preserve the Google identity of my friend in drag, I won't name names, but I will say, he made a fantastic Blair from Facts of Life.)

I was writing papers like crazy:
- By the People: Low Voter Turn Out and the Nature of Democracy in America
- Conscious of a Sinning Nation: The Changing Interpretation of Abolitionism since 1885
- More Than Victims: Women, Children, and a Feminist Interpretation of Trafficking in Persons Law

I invested a fair amount of time in crafting perfect away messages.

The future was only theoretical and rent was a myth.

An affordable dinner meant a can of tuna fish and half a sleeve of crackers.

Bad choices were occasionally worn as a badge of honor, and Mary Prankster was a battle cry.

Like a second-act teenager, I was trying my hardest to figure out adolescent skirmishes in a feigned adult world.

I still had 6 months before real life kicked in, and I couldn't wait. Looking back, this was dumb. D-U-M-B.

It was a damn good life.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

I cut open my pepper and found God or a single mother

Imagine my surprise when I sliced into my red bell pepper and found this

My lunch apparently had a good time in my grocer's case, and came home knocked up. I'm not sure who the father was, but seeing as mother and child were now living in my care, I decided it was time to deliver.

Call me crazy, but doesn't this look like Babar, King of the Elephants, holding a giant green apple while wearing a jaunty green witch's hat?

With a quick cut to the umbilical root, pepper fetus becomes pepper baby.

Call the royal guard - Babar has been robbed!!

After giving the mama pepper a c-section, I ate her and threw her dissected baby in the trash. Aren't you glad that I didn't pursue a career in medicine?

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Happy birthday, Mom!!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My mom's the best,
Admit it, or I'll fight you!

Happy Birthday, Pussy Cat!!!