Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

So goes an incredible song written by Leonard Cohen and successfully covered by many, many others, but none so well as Jeff Buckley. This is a song that I feel very close to for some reason that I can't quite explain. The lyrics are beautiful, but I'm sure that it's Buckley's voice that continues to draw me in. His vocals have the ability to keep me hooked through all 7 minutes of the song, even when I've lost the ability to sing along. The lyrics are just esoteric and intellectual enough to make me feel smart for catching, and are grounded in enough real life heartbreak and uncertainty to keep me invested. The meaning of their words has been debated by many - some say Cohen was writing a tale of love from the Bible, others say it's an allegory of alienation. I will never know. I don't even care to venture a guess. This song makes me glad that it was written. It makes me glad that so many have stumbled upon it, and that I could be one of them. At different points in my life, I have identified with different sections. But I've always listened to the whole thing. It will always stand out to me as one of those perfect songs. They rarely come by, so I'll hold on to this one. As well as "Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley, also a great song.

Brief sidenote - as a testament to the far-reaching love of this song, it's been featured in at least three end of episode, important-reflective-things-happening-now montages on very good TV shows, most notably "House" and "West Wing." The WW usage actually had me in tears, big, blubbery (OK I also had the flu) tears. I don't know why it's the underground touchstone of a few generations, but I think there's more going on in this song than we hear on the surface.

I heard there was a secret chord
That david played and it pleased the lord
But you don't really care for music, do you
Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah .... .

Baby i've been here before
I've seen this room and i've walked this floor
I used to live alone before i knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you
But remember when i moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Well, maybe there's a god above
But all i've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The genius of the McKim Yates

Picasso painted
our last fling. But this time I
want Georgia O’ Keefe.

~ Courtney McKim Yates

Far too cold to go to work today

Is this a legitimate excuse for skipping work? It's literally painful to go outside today. My hair is wet and will probably stay wet for the next few hours. If I were still in school, I'd probably skip class. There is no good reason to subject oneself to such pain.

I wish I could staple things to Katie Couric's face. "I am a waste of space and airtime." "Have you seen some of my turly horrendous haircuts?" "What - you don't enjoy my opinion on every story I present?" She is doing wonderful things for colon cancer, though.

Need to get dressed. Again, no desire to move. Would prefer to sit here forever, dropping the subjects out of all of my sentences.

In slightly happier news, I can now complete a whole sodoku puzzle by myself! I find that sodoku is a lot like life - if you stick with it and have someone subtly pointing out your mistakes, you'll eventually prevail.

I'll leave you with that.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Agoraphobia or simple anger?

If you have ever had the joy of going out in public with me, especially a public plagued by large crowds, I'm sure you will attest to the fact that I become a little skittish around all of the people. Skittish isn't exactly the word, actually. Uncontrollably rage filled, that's probably more accurate.

I don't know why, but I hate all of the people. I don't like crowds, especially because they all gather directly in front of me. And then they mossie along, enjoying the sights. We all have a mission in life, people, and you're slowing me down!! If I'm shopping, my mission is stop shopping as soon as possible. Please get out of my way. A sidewalk or hallway is not an appriopriate place to stop and hang out with your friends or your children or your skeevy boyfriend/girlfriend. The mall is a place with a purpose, not aimless gathering. You are hall tumors, a plague on all of society.

I know that I am not special. Just because I want to walk faster than everyone else doesn't mean that they should all bow down to my whims. But it does make good fiscal sense that the stores of the mall should work to keep the crowds moving along. Just like with the moving sidewalk at the airport which gets people point A to point B faster, holiday shoppers should be shuffled along these congested mall walkways. Much like the bullet train attendants of Japan's overcrowded commuter systems, malls could hire armies to keep the crowds moving. This would serve the stores' purposes by ensuring that the maximum amount of eager shoppers would pass by their windows. The malls wouldn't have to worry about creating more parking spaces because people wouldn't be wasting time taking up spaces. Everyone would be happier and probably spend more money, helping the economy. It's really a fantastic solution. I think I need to take this idea somewhere.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Excessive you say?

That's our Christmas tree. And that's Brendan for reference. Our Christmas tree is absolutely gigantic. The spirit of Christmas is alive and well within Apt. 2401 - and it's threatening to overtake anything that gets too close.

There are big plans for this tree - lights, popcorn, and come January 5th, a trip off our fourth floor balcony cause there is no way that sucker is going back down the elevator.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Dear Mom,

I love you very much. Please do not read the post below.


"Good for you"

- What Tad Hamilton, Hollywood movie star, says to innocent little Rosalie after she rejects his advances and tells him that she should be getting home rather than stay with him at his place prior to wedding, second date, or even second base.

I hate this. I hate it when boys act all superior and knowing after a girl makes the smart move and doesn't hook up with them. To stay with him would be against her better judgement, so she says "I/you should leave." AND HE TAKES CREDIT FOR THE GOOD DECISION/PRETENDS TO VALIDATE HER GOOD DECISION/MAKES BELIEVE THAT HE KNEW SEPARATION WOULD BE THE SMART AND IDEAL OPTION. He didn't!!! Oh, no, he got shut down. He was rejected. But with his "Good for you, xxxx" he becomes the all-knowing dominate male, still issuing validation and approval on a woman who JUST REJECTED HIM.

I'm sorry, I have experience with this. How dare you undercut the power that I showed by making the mature, adult choice by telling me that it's ok??? I don't need your approval, I already got it when you invited yourself into my pants. Your only job now is to be hurt. To be hurt and realize that I am better than you.

Were you trying to take advantage of me with the initial advances, is that why you were so impressed when I rebuffed them? Did you think that I was some weak-willed, easily controlled little girl who you could have your way with? Surprised that it wasn't as easy as you thought?



I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I've been a bad, bad blogger. I am still alive. I am still here. Nothing really new to report.

I got all my hair chopped off in the cutest way. Go to the myspace page to see - http://www.myspace.com/5153145, alas I don't think I have the picture on my computer.

That's really about it. I'm up to my eyes in work I don't really want to do, so I'm gonna get to that. Good bye all, I promise more later if you will still have me.

Side note: This entry's headline reminds me of the abusive relationship game that Courtney and I used to play. Perhaps we are a little to irreverant for our own good....

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I am a terrible employee

Not only did I bail on attending our super fancy event in New York this evening, I am sitting at my desk blogging right now. I have done about 18 minutes of actual work all day. The rest of the time, I was aimlessly surfing the interweb. I wonder if this infernal computer has Spider Solitaire. Oh, it does, that might be the 4-5 pm hour of today.

I am currently listening to a streaming recording of Mike Doughty in DC from September. Good show. God bless those people who record shows and put them on the internet for the rest of us. I think this little file might have saved my life. I was seriously contemplating jumping out of the window (we're only on the second floor, I would have just hurt my knee more) if I didn't find something to break up the monotony of the day.

For those of you wondering - October sucks. It's a month of rain, and drearyness, and distracting contemplation. October is one of those months that makes you wonder about yourself. The weather is so halfheartedly crappy. There aren't snowstorms or heat waves to distract you, just a semi-permanent rain and a just cold enough to make you uncomfortable temperature. It's enough to make you think heavy thoughts. If I lived somewhere else, would I be happier? Am I just muddling through, or am I actively seeking the next phase of life? Am I a happy person? Am I ok if I'm not a happy person? The weather doesn't give you any excuse to not question yourself; it's just as ambivilent and unsure as you are. Boo to the rain and leaves on the ground. How are we supposed to remain upbeat if nature can't?

This song's called "Thank You Lord For Sending Me The F Train" or spring, whatever.

This brings to an interesting point that I've been ruminating on lately. So I saw Mike Doughty twice this weekend with my Mike Doughty and general cool music tutor, Katie Musar. After releasing his album on a bonafide label and pulling together a band to tour with, Mike Doughty has left the singer-songwriter universe. He is an act now, profiled in magazines and everything. And the show has changed. He no longer plays Only Answer, a tragedy in my opinion. Nothing seems spontaneous anymore, it's all been worked out with the other band members ahead of time. There is a new jam band element, which may be really cool for some people, but I think I prefered the banter and made up word bridges of the solo Mike Doughty. I am more lyrical than musical, and I think the music has taken over the show. Which is probably good. Anyway, amidst all the changes, he still says everytime, "This song is called "Thank You Lord For Sending Me The F Train"." Strange that that is the thing that stays.

My favorite song "I Hear the Bells" is playing right now, but I'm afraid to skip back at the end of it - the precious gift of the streaming show could be lost if I disrupt it, just like when the boys on Friends got free porn. You don't mess with the gift, man.

Does anyone remember my old blog? Or what I wrote about? I wish that it hadn't gotten deleted, I like to look over that stuff years later.

OK, work.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Grey's Anatomy is the best show ever

And this post is going to be rather fragmented as I am currently engrossed in said show, therefore only able to write during breaks. I have my priorities, people.

Oh my goodness, such a good show. It raises the important questions, like can the loves of our lives be terrible people and yet still be the loves of our lives? I don't know. The love of your life is supposed to be good for you. They aren't supposed to be evil, adulturous bitches or bastards. They are supposed to make you feel happy and wonderful and like being a better person. They are supposed to bring out the best in you, and someone who habitually hurts you only brings out pain. But there are plenty of people who say they are head over heels in love with people who hurt them time again. I think that's when you have to ask yourself why. Why do you keep sticking around? That isn't love. It's against the very definition. But persuasive, nonetheless.

Why is Izzie going out with Dr. McJerkFace? Couldn't the writers please take 10 minutes out of their day and write two good story lines for Izzie and George, possibly placing them in a bed together, just to see how things develop.

In other medically related news, my left knee has rebelled against marathon training. I cannot walk. I am immobilized with pain. On a scale of one to ten, I want a new knee. The preliminary diagnosis is runner's knee or ilibibital patelialetical something or other. Long and short of it, my high arches, strong quads and weak thighs have pulled the knee cap to the outside, cause lots and lots of pain. And here's the thing about the pain - IT NEVER GOES AWAY. I got it sitting, standing, walking, sleeping. My knee has gone all kinds of grindy and now it talks to me in a strange mumbly hobbit language. Anyway, we shall see how training progresses from here on out. In the meantime, I'm walking like the young Forrest Gump.

Oh that George! He just lost Meredith's mother.

Ok, this has now failed to keep my interest. Back to Grey's Anatomy full time.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Just wanted to you all to see my work desktop photo

I want one, really really badly. I think it's an interesting comment on my propensity for affection that scars.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Ode to my Mom

There once was a lady named Pussy Cat,
Her friends say she's all that.
With kitties a plenty,
She's bright as a new penny,
To her we tip our hat.


There once was a woman named Sue,
Two lovely daughters she brought through.
Finding each one a brat,
Now she's sticking to cats,
Who leave her gifts of poo.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Won't you help to sing these songs of freedom?

To the people reading this blog - I don't know your personal politics. You're probably one of my friends, so I have a good feeling, but I am trying to be far from presumptuous.

I am reasonably certain that you don't like war though, especially needless wars fought almos entirely for naught and at the cost of tens of thousands of lives around the world. Only scary people wars like that.

If you find yourself in this bad war-hating, peace-loving, humanity-embracing category of good folk, I suggest that you come out to the GIGANTIC RALLY TO END THE WAR IN IRAQ in DC tomorrow afternoon and evening. Highlights to include - the largest protest and march during the entire conflict, a bunch of great speakers including Cindy Sheehan, great bands during the accompanying concert, and JOAN BAEZ. Come on, Joan Baez, it's our chance to be hippies! If you want to be part of a movement much greater than yourself that actually shows this administration and the world that we will not be silent any longer, COME OUT TO THE RALLY!!

For more information, go to

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Sappy music for all!!

It was been a hectic couple of days. The fall Board meeting season has come to a close, thank God. In case you didn't know, I am responsible for my company's Board of Trustees meetings. These are day-long meetings in which the richest, testiest, and smartest people I have ever met get in a room together and look to me for guidance. They don't know what's going on, I am supposed. I make sure there's a room and an agenda and food and a reason for them all to take a day out of their busy lives and pay attention to Rare. It's a whole freaking lot of pressure, proceeded by a big, fancy schmoozy dinner. The kind of dinner that I hate a try to avoid. Instead I had to go to and run it all.

I'm proud to say, it all went swimmingly. All of the worrying and fretting was for naught. The dinner was at Nora, an organic four star restaurant in DC, and it was delicious. The meeting was productive and went off without a hitch. The presentations all worked, the roof didn't cave in, nothing went wrong. Fantastic. Then I came home and slept, because I figured I had been working for about 48 hours straight and deserved a nap.

The weekend was filled with Courtney, Katharine, my new favorite show and product of humanity House, some good Bollywood, and the Maryland Wine Festival. It was so much fun to play college again. We hung out, got chinese food, and spoke in the language that only college girlfriends understand. That was my college experience - generally just being with my friends, talking for hours. I think this is different from the common college reminisence. I don't wistfully remember keg parties or that trust beer pong. I have mostly fond memories of the debauchery, but I have incredible memories of the friendship. The circumstances are different now. It takes a little longer for us to get together, a little more work, but the heart of it is still the same. That's nice.

Tonight is Lizzie and Brendan's modified Thanksgiving dinner and it's time to make the stuffing - so off I go.

Sappy songs to you all!

Friday, September 09, 2005

The Head of FEMA should really have some experience

They always say that internships will get you far in life. Looks like it worked out pretty well for Michael Brown, our bumbling head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Turns out the extensive "disaster management" experience he claimed while serving as Assistant City Manager prior to his post at FEMA was actually less on-the-ground and more administrative than he and the President that hired him had originally let on. Turns out that he was actually the Assistant TO the City Manager, giving old Brownie (President Bush's term of endearment for the poor guy so over his head he resembles Jefferson Parrish) a position slightly lower than MINE.

"The Washington Post reported on Friday that five of eight top FEMA officials had come to their jobs with virtually no experience in handling disasters. The agency's top three leaders, including Brown, had ties to Bush's 2000 presidential campaign or the White House advance operation.

Former Edmond city manager Bill Dashner recalled for Time that Brown had worked for him as an administrative assistant while attending Central State University.

"Mike used to handle a lot of details. Every now and again I'd ask him to write me a speech. He was very loyal. He was always on time. He always had on a suit and a starched white shirt," Dashner told Time."

There are very few words to describe the damage and loss that Bush's arrogance and cavalier attitude towards leadership have caused this nation - "tragic" just doesn't seem enough.

In response to the First Lady's recent comments that criticisms of racism aimed at her husband's administration were "disgusting," I'd suggest Mrs. Bush take a look at the bodies floating in the streets, the despair on the faces of a nation whose government couldn't shorten its vacation to take care of the largest natural disaster in its history, and the smirk on her husband's face as he goes to bed every night knowing that he got away with it all. That's truly disgusting. Your politics kill people, lady, it's time you faced up to that.

For full stories -

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Hungry Like the Wolf

It's 8:30 and I'm not at work yet - in fact, I'm sitting on my bed in a towel, revelling in the non-workness of it all. It's fantastic. I have to head into the city to visit the World Wildlife Fund this morning for Board meeting prep. Perhaps they will give me something with their panda logo on it. That'd be sweet! Unfortunately, Lisa, the assistant I'm meeting, and I don't get along all that well because I think she's bad at her job and she doesn't like to respond to emails for months at a time. When this kid is telling you you're bad at your assistant job, it's dire straights.

Actually, that's not true, as I'm told over and over again, I'm really good at my job. Which will make leaving it in two years all the more enjoyable. It's wonderful to be totally and utterly missed when you leave a place.

That's about all for this morning. I think I am going to start a new blog that will just cover the impending marathon training, jeez that starts this Saturday. Yikes. Please give me money and your knees!! I'll update later with the address.

Really need to get dressed, Lisa deserves better than a towel. Oooh! Martha on Today!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Tropical Depression Katrina is a giant tease

I've been waiting for rain for the past two days, rain that was promised to me in countless weather forecasts. It would appear that we in the DC metro area will not be seeing any of the torrential rains the VA newscaster looked so excited to get a piece of. It's very sad that a hurricane that brought so much death and destruction to the Gulf states brought such a glint to the eyes of the weather and newscasting professionals of America. I admit that I didn't watch any of the coverage, and indeed didn't even know that the hurricane was all that bad until Matt Lauer wouldn't stop talking about it yesterday. As such, all of the pictures and footage are completely out of context for me - it's as if the Earth just got angry at a few states and decided to unleash its wrath in the blink of an eye, and while that might be exactly how it feels to all the survivors of the storm, the rest of the world has the overdocumented progression to review and exploit for some months to come.

Regardless, I don't think it's going to be raining here anytime soon, so my car will stay dirty, and I'll have to go out and water the plants anyway.

I have some big, wonderful plans for the Labor Day weekend - working until

Yikes, the fucking power just went off and made me almost pee my pants! And now the cable is out. Damn. Sorry for the bad language, I was frightened.

Back to Labor Day - working until 4. Driving in some presumably bad traffic back home. Going to the State Fair with my mom and Courtney. Going to New York with Courtney to (in possibly the correct order) (cable back on) Katie Musar, James and Surrah Lipchock, Avenue Q, Mark I., Rachel, Upright Citizens Brigade, Katie Musar again. Needless to say, I am beyond excited.

Why did stupid Zoe Bartlett ever date that dumb Jean-Paul guy - he has a pretentious accent, eventually drugs her and gets her kidnapped, and is definitely NOT Charlie Young! I never liked that Zoe.

Still not raining. I wish that I was Amy Garndiner. This entry should really be titled My Love Affair with the West Wing.

The President just explained Max Weber to Abby, and Will Bailey explained John Rawl's veil of ignorance to some communications gals - I love that the West Wing teaches us things. These were things I already knew, but I have a fancy overpriced liberal arts education underneath my belt.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Now, I'm not trying to get philsophical here

But I'm tired of the cycles of life. I'm tired of feeling as if everything is cyclical, returning us to the same point in history over and over again. I'm tired of the unshakable weights around our necks, and I'm tired of the magnetic pull of the moving sidewalk of life.

The names, faces, places, and vices can all change, but it's still all the same underneath. It doesn't matter what you're hung up on, because it always means the same thing. Some might find this reassuring, at least if you're going to get hurt, you know the color of the truck that's gonna run you over. Is it wrong to hope for more? Is it wrong to think that maybe the truck will swerve one of these times, granting that final reprieve? From all that I have seen in my short, short life, that hope is merely a dellusion.

Ironically, it's an Eve6 song giving me solace tonight. Stupid Laguna Beach making me think so late at night. Stupid roommates not housesitting with me. Stupid interweb not being all over the world allowing Courtney to be online and talk me down (or up) from my pit of philosophical despair. Mostly stupid Laguna Beach.

in this time of introspection
on the eve of my election
i say to my reflection
god, please spare me more rejection
'cause my peers, they criticize me
and my ex-wives all despise me
try to put it all behind me
but my redneck past is nipping at my heels
(not Eve6, but so much better.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

My Mac can kick your PC's ass and look good doing it.

Sorry, kids, not much more to say than that. I officially own the world's best computer, and being the pseudo-geeky kid that I am, this rocks my world.

I've had a wonderful time rediscovering the world of Finders and open apple keys. I've met the new neighbors, Safari and Widgets. I can honestly say that I dreading returning to my Dell Dimension Desktop at work tomorrow. Even with the bubbly XP design scheme, it's just not slick.

These are things that float my boat, I guess. Wishing you Macintosh technicolor dreams, goodnight.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Now I'm not a racist...

but what's up with the Mexican men on the street? What about my sharing a roadway with you makes you think it's cool to do the tongue clicky noise? Have you ever gotten a good response from the tongue clicky noise? What about Cortez's raping and pillaging of your land centuries ago has led you down this path of unwelcome and unsolicited approval?

Reason these questions don't make me a racist - this behavior really is isolated to the Latino culture. I've never seen a Japanese dude make the clicky noise, nor a Dutch man, nor even an Ethiopian. It's just those South of the Border guys. Somewhere during the creation of delicious fish tacos and guacamole, Latino guys learned it's perfectly ok to devalue women they don't know, in fact, it's complimentary. What do their mother's say?

Hold on, Italian guys were really bad too. I blame the Mediterranean and all of the areas under its influence. Just further evidence of the evils of imperialism.

I Love the 80s

I am currently loving '87, but in 19 minutes, I'll probably be loving '88. I have a lot of good memories of the 80s - I had a green shirt with a big giraffe head and real fringe hair, I had a Teddy Ruxpin, interest rates were of no concern to me, I never had to do laundry, the 80s were pretty cool. My 80s were filled with childhood delights. My decade is starkly contrasted with the 80s of VH1, though. These 80s are adult 80s, not my 80s...but it's all pretty funny, so I fake it. Hurray for the 80s, or at least the contemporary TV and music personality who clever quip about them!!

Ian Michael Black 4 ever.

I Love the 80s

I am currently loving '87, but in 19 minutes, I'll probably be loving '88. I have a lot of good memories of the 80s - I had a green shirt with a big giraffe head and real fringe hair, I had a Teddy Ruxpin, interest rates were of no concern to me, I never had to do laundry, the 80s were pretty cool. My 80s were filled with childhood delights. My decade is starkly contrasted with the 80s of VH1, though. These 80s are adult 80s, not my 80s...but it's all pretty funny, so I fake it. Hurray for the 80s, or at least the contemporary TV and music personality who clever quip about them!!

Ian Michael Black 4 ever.

Friday, August 05, 2005

As long as she's got noise, she's fine

Currently listening to Dar Williams and wondering how a life of cubicle-dwelling and rent-paying can possibly be as worthwhile as that of a travelling musician. Sure, I don't have any talent or instruments, but the story would be great. Maybe I could travel the country entertaining people in grocery store lines, as I have a tendency to do already. Maybe I could pack up and leave on a 4 year trek to find myself - I'm not sure college did the job. I certainly never stumbled upon my inner child or adult, my inner drunkard for a while, but that's it. What if you never really find yourself? What if you just find what you're happy being? Kind of like the caveman diet, you coast until you feel the need to change.

My grandmother left a note on her refrigerator once when she went to the grocery store: "I've gone out to find myself. If you see me before I return, keep me here." I always thought this was remarkably hip of my grandmother, until I saw it on a magnet at some beach-y boardwalk crap store. I still think that my grandmother is remarkably hip, but this is no longer a good example. She can rock an embroidered cotton shirt from Penny's like no body else.

I think I'm definitely a "grass is greener on the other side" kinda gal. I couldn't wait to get out of college because working would be better. It is, but now I can't wait to pick up and travel around because that would be better. And then, I can't wait to do the next thing, cause that will be better. The next thing is always better, which is good, I guess - it keeps you moving.

This is a v. philosophical entry. I think it's because I'm doing tedious things at work today and my id is longing to break free. Or my super id, or ego. Maybe I'M just longing to break free. If I could go anywhere today, it would be to Zion National Park. I would take my bike and towel and my iPod with its everlasting battery. There'd be hiking, spot finding and sitting until the sun went down. Or maybe I'd go to the that little beach on Capri under the ferry pier where my glowy constalation watch met its ultimate demise. I'd like to go to Turkey, too. I hear South Africa is cool, so says Jock Itch Rachel (good job with the Lotramin, btw!) Iceland, Arles, Germany, Morocco, Gabon, Eritrea, Andorra, Cinque Terra, Hondorus, and so on and so on.

You don't know how precious you are, you don't know how much I adore you.

I think I miss the ability to express myself through Away message. The opportunity for passive aggressivity has certainly been taken down a few notches.

I had oatmeal with chocolate chips in it this morning. That can't possibly be a healthy breakfast. They were Trader Joe's all natural chocolate chips, but still. It was delicious.

Perhaps more later.

Friday, July 29, 2005

The Internet loses

My faithful interweb is totally failing me right now. There's nothing doing on the internet. I'm at work, I'm bored, I can't find anything to entertain me. This blows. And when did I decide to write and speak like a 18 year old on Spring Break from Orange County?

I feel bad for Orange County, they've received a particularly bad rap since the whole "O.C." "Laguna Beach" craze. Frankly, it all started with that Jack Black movie that featured an overweight Jack gyrating in dirty underwear. The O.C. was doomed after that. Does anyone remember when Ocean City, MD used to run a campaign featuring the "OC Ocean" tagline? I wonder if that that actually worked...were people having trouble remembering that Ocean City was, in fact, affiliated with the ocean?

I'm currently listening to my new Dar Williams CD, that I had to buy even though I have the digital files on a burned CD somewhere but no computer to make them into something meaningful. Listening to music at work is nothing new for Lizzie Musar, I need to have music all the time. This time it's the means by which I am listening to the music that is somewhat remarkable. I don't have speakers on my work PC, instead I have a microphone and earpiece headset so that I can use our long-distance-replacement VOIP software and that is how I am listening to Dar. I'm sitting at my computer, phone operator headset on, feeling like I should be asking someone if they'd like information on their Craftomatic bed. The microphone is my favorite part. The one headphone is my least favorite part, I feel like there's a concert going on to my left and no matter how many times I turn to find it, it's just not there. This may turn my brain to mush. But I've been driving with only one speaker in my car for about a year now, and I'm still ok.

California rolls are shortly being delivered to me, so maybe that will serve as the necessary pick me up. The healing powers of sushi and all. Ironic considering the almost lethal mercury content in most fish these days.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

My relationship with money

I have never really been on the best of terms with money. Frequently, I want more than I have. Thankfully, I have never actually spent more than I have. I could pay off my tiny bit of debt right now, except it's not hurting me. I have had people spend money on my behalf, which I now owe other people - example, student loans. I could not pay off my student loans right now, and don't ever actually anticipate ever being able to do so.

But the underlying truth is this - money has never hurt me and I have never hurt money. We have a cordial relationship where I don't abuse it and it doesn't get me into trouble. I thought that that was really that needed to exist between us. Anything else is just needless complications.

Apparently not. I'm trying so hard, SO HARD, to do the Exec Budgets for next year, because apparently this is part of my job, and I just don't get it. Money and planning for money and for not having money just do not make sense to me. I understand the purpose of a budget. It's to keep you in line with the money you anticipate having so you don't go off into the deep end of the financial pool. But as far as the tiny little details - isn't that what we have back account balances for? Not sure if your company can afford to hire a new person or buy a new boat (if you have some kind of boat-based company)? Check you back account, factor in the stuff you know you ahve to pay for in the future - if there's enough left over, buy the boat!

Why can't the world just operate according to that policy? Why do we need budgets, with FY05 Actuals and Targets and Forecasts and Allocations and stuff I can't even pronounce?!? Is there something inherently wrong with just trusting yourself to not spend more than you have or have access to?

I think it's exactly this thinking which has prevented me from ever actually balancing my checkbook. I have a rough estimate of what's in there. I know what I'd like to buy, and if the numbers don't add up or give me a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I put said item back on the shelf and move along. Is this too much to ask for from the rest of the world? Are we not all capable of showing such restraint?


Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Two wayward travellers in a Corolla with a guy named Vic

Or something like that, it's from a very bad movie called Forces of Nature. I don't recommend it. Instead, go see March of the Penguins and tell me all about it.

Hanging out at work for a little while so I can time the mass transit trip home right and not have to wait 45 minutes in the blinding heat for a bus home from my fair, faraway Metro stop. A mile is just too far to walk in weather like this, especially in a skirt. Granted the skirt did get lots of attention today, and could possibly even snag me a ride home if I were to play my cards right, but I don't do the hitchhiking. Except for last Friday when I convinced the hospital shuttle driver waiting around for employees at the station to drive me home because he wasn't doing anything else. But that wasn't hitching, my thumb wasn't involved. He was very nice and only asked to see my Inova Health employee badge at the end of the trip. I shrugged my shoulders and he told me to have a nice day. Ahh, public transport, bringing people together.

Can't really think of anything all that interesting to report. I've found myself going on doomed interweb searches the past few days. Not doomed in the sense that I won't find what I'm looking for, but doomed in the idea that I shouldn't be looking for it in the first place. I should chalk it up to experience and leave it in the past, I should not regress via Internet. But I do, and then I get surprised by what I find, and then it gets stuck in my head. And while I do not want it in my head, in fact I want it dead and buried, it's still there. Hopefully the end to this little tale is I overcome the brain barnacles and rise to victory in the end. What kind of victory, I'm not sure. Probably a victory in which I do my work at work instead of looking at old boyfriends on the Internet. It's not like I'm looking for reconnection, it's just kind of a wondering - "I wonder what happened to so-and-so." I mean isn't that why people go back to their high school reunions, to find out what happened to the people they hated?

Time to leave for the Metro now. Ugh, humidity.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Oh the joys of family!

If your not a Powers, I pity you. The Powers is the best lineage ever. We are of questionable background - there may be some Scottish or French or maybe even Welch in this blood, but we are in fact the best. For only at a Powers family function can you rename your aunt's dessert contribution Aunt Ann's Famous Couter AND have your grandmother laugh heartily and repeat the joke. Oh, Ann's famous couter - delish!

Fun things that happened today - got to go to the International Spy Museum and tour the Natural History Museum again. In a most disturbing turn of events, I watched the birth of a kanagroo baby about three times because I just couldn't turn away from it. It was hypnotic. Yuck. Kangaroos and their half-born babies are just gross.

Brendan's laptop is about to die, so this will have to be it for now.

Katie's blog readers - leave comments on my blog, I've been keeping it up longer!! Haha, that sounds dirty. I meant I've been blogging longer, which really isn't much to be proud of. Off to rediscover my lost knitting skills for a Upton's baby booties!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Living in the Deep South

Hello, world. My new blogging sister has shamed me into updating as she is so on the ball.

Fun new events in the life of Lizzie - I started my job, I confirmed that I do actually love my job. I found the most wonderful roommates in the world to live - Kelly and Brendan, they are newest addition to my urban family. I walk about three miles a day thanks to my new pledge to only use mass transportation. I'm thinking this is just a whim and may well pass in the next few weeks.

As a new Virginian, I've noticed a few things about this backward state:
- on I-66 it seems like every damn lane is marked as an HOV lane, but everyone's in the car by themselves.
- they sell beer and wine in the GROCERY stores! The GROCERY STORES!!!! Where any little child or impetuous teenager can get their hands on it. Crazier yet - the liquor stores, which are all strangely run by the state, only sell hard liquor, making them a tremendous fire hazard.
- The sales tax varies by county.
- Route 7/Leesburg Pike magically connects every road in the state.
- The Mixing Bowl is the Bermuda Triangle of acceptable commute times - you get in there and all dreams of driving for less than two hours fly out the window.
- No one has southern accents.
- The roads are all named after colonial heroes and Civil War tragic heroes.
- Virginia's urban planners apparently tried to make the most confusing intersections possible, and succeeded - Example, Seven Corners.
- There's a tragic lack of Blockbusters, and a gross overabundance of 7-11s and BB&T branches.
- There are signs at intersections reading "Don't Block the Box." Does anyone else think that's a little dirty?
- Northern Virginia shouldn't even really have Virginia in the name - it has nothing to do with the rest of the state.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I kick ass

And if you're either my Political Science Honors Thesis or my History Senior Thesis, then your ass has been kicked through the roof, cause I'm done with you!!! Except for minor revisions, they are both completed and highly praised.

To those of you who told me I couldn't rely on my traditional approach to academia - procrastination - and survive this semester -- SHOVE IT ALL BACK UP YOUR ASSES CAUSE I ROCK!

Wow, this is a very ass heavy posting.

My stupid planner which I have always refused to use is becoming completely saturated with obligations. Days at work, days to visit people, days of nothing but meetings. Defenses, papers being due, housesitting, picnics, outings, teas, dinners. I am quite the senior socialite. My poor planner is totally unaccumstomed to such abuse.

Katie Musar is coming for graduation which officially makes me the happiest girl this side of the Mississippi. While she is here I plan on stealing her return ticket so she will have to stay with me forever.

I have like three pending emails I have to send, so I'm gonna do that and be a good person once again.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Semester check-in

So it's getting to the end again. Little difference, this time it is the real end. The graduation end. I'm waiting for the wistful to begin. I'm also waiting for me to finish my honors paper because I really feel I have no control over this. I mean, really, it's not like I can actually set my mind to writing my paper. Totally out of my hands.

Good news of recent past -

I got a kick ass, aren't-you-jealous-of-me job for after graduation. I will be working at Rare Conservation, an international environmental non-profit in Arlington, VA/DC. I will be moving to the DC area. I will not be living with my mother. I got an incredible package and a lot of money. Even more, I'll be doing something that I love on an issue that I care about. I FUCKING WIN THE GAME OF COLLEGE! No post-college unemployment for me. This kid is moving out and moving up.

- I had a wonderful internship which I love and will probably miss for the rest of my life.
- My history senior sem is turned in. Only awaiting the defense where I WILL NOT CRY.
- Spring Fling is coming up. It will be raining. This is obviously bad news.
- My alternator stayed alive for the 40 miles after its first signs of death, ensuring that I actually got to the garage safely and without the aid of a tow truck. Also, I had the money to pay for a new alternator. Also, I know exactly how an alternator works and what it does in the car. This always makes me feel better when I have to have something replaced. If I know what it does, I can justify the expense.
- Getting Phi Beta Kappa. I hear there's a secret handshake.

Other good things to look forward to:
- Spring Fling
- Graduation with my loads of cords
- Finishing this stupid paper
- The new Mike Doughty album coming out soon
- Katie Musar possibly returning to the East Coast
- Life to come

Bad thing:
- Stupid distracting Facebook. Making me post my blog, which I now feel I need to update. Papers don't write themselves, you know!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Me and Dar Williams are writing my paper

And it goes a little something like this...

Yea, there was a time I didnt like the love, I liked the climbers,
I was no sister then, I was running out of time and one liners,
And I was afraid, like you are when you’re too young to know the time, and
So I watched the way you take your fear and hoard the horizon,
You point, you have a word for every woman you can lay your eyes on,
Like you own them just because you bought the time,
And you turn to me, you say you hope I’m not threatened,

Oh -- I’m not that petty, as cool as I am, I thought youd know this already,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.

So now were at a club, you watch the woman dancing, she is drunk,
She is smiling and she’s falling in a slow, descending funk,
And the whole bar is loud and proud and everybodys trying, yeah.
You play the artist, saying, ’is it how she moves, or how she looks? ’
I say, it’s loneliness suspended to our own like grappling hooks,
And as long as she’s got noise, she’s fine.
But I could teach her how I learned to dance when the musics ended,

Oh -- and thats not petty, as cool as I am, I thought youd know this already,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.

You tried to make me doubt, to make me guess, tried to make me feel like a little less,
Oh, I liked you when your soul was bared, I thought you knew how to be scared,
And now it’s amazing what you did to make me stay,
But truth is just like time, it catches up and it just keeps going,

And so I’m leaving, you can find out how much better things can get,
And if it helps, I’d say I feel a little worse than I did when we met,
So when you find someone else, you can try again, it might work next time,
You look out of the kitchen window and you shake your head and say low,
’if I could believe that stuff, I’d say that woman has a halo,’
And I look out and say, ’yeah, she’s really blond,’
And then I go outside and join the others, I am the others,

Oh -- and thats not easy,
I don’t know what you saw, I want somebody who sees me,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.

~As Cool As I Am

Friday, January 28, 2005

A million years later...

I'm back! I didn't go anywhere, though. But I'm still back!

My last semester of my last year of college has started. I began my last class of my last semester of my last year of college this afternoon. I didn't think I'd be all that affected by it, but I think I'm a little ... affected. I thought I was super-ready for school to be over, and I am. But I'm realizing that I won't get to come back to this place anymore. There's going to be a fundamental shift in my life, and though I'm ready for it and can't wait, it means I have to leave everything here behind. Close a door, say goodbye. Even though I can come back and visit, I won't ever be a McDaniel student again. I'm ready, and maybe even a little wistful.

Currently listening to the Killers obsessively. I love them. I love how the sing about murder and heartbreak and letting go. I love the crazy lead singer and wish I could make him less socially awkward when on stage.

Also found out yesterday that, apparently, old whorish habits are hard to break in some boys. Can't say I'm surprised - the kid was a disappointment on almost all fronts, wouldn't expect that to change afterwards. But still, you always hope that people improve themselves even if it isn't for your ultimate benefit. Oh well, it's not my battle to fight.

I love my job. I love my office. The wake up calls aren't even all that bad. Two big papers to write this semester. Fun for all, or really, just me.

Am probably playing tonight. Hmmmm...

Must go to work first!