Monday, January 21, 2008

Open Letter to My Insulin Pump

So, uh, I wear an insulin pump. It keeps me alive and looks like this:
It's connected to me all the time via some very cool tubing and a little IV-like guy that I replace every few days.

I've been wearing it for about two months now, and I felt like reflecting on the experience. So, here you go, an open letter to my 24-hour companion.

Dear Batman,

We've had 11 wonderful weeks together. True, these last two months haven't all been smooth sailing, but I think you'll agree with me that the growing pains are nearing their end.

Some may say we were foolish kids to get so close so quickly. I mean, come on, we were living together after that first fateful date at the pump trainer's! I don't care how you slice it, that's a pretty quick transition. One minute you were theoretical, the next, we were joined at the abdomen. No pre-nup, no discussion of kids or values or walks on the beach. Just immediate, assumed compatibility.

And it's been great, really, it has. We've had some fun and some laughs. You've met my friends and my family. We got through the holidays with flying colors, right?

But, I'm not gonna lie - I've got some beefs. There's some stuff I'd like to discuss. Now, I say all of this out of love, and because I think we could have a real future together. But if we're gonna last, we need to have an open an honest relationship - the good, the bad, and the ugly, ok? Here goes:

1. Some times you're not very predictable - Mornings seem to be kind of a crap shoot lately. 65, 157, who knows what's gonna show up on the meter? I get it, we're still feeling each other out, and obviously my own choices play a role in the matter, but is it too much to ask that you start to follow SOME kind of pattern??

2. Don't take this the wrong way, but you're kind of ... big. Usually it's not a problem, you fit in my bra and we get along fine, safe in our own secret world. But other times, like this morning, your size makes it impossible to get dressed. You stick out of my pockets, you make my waistbands tighter when clipped in there. You're just big. I know you've come a long way since your backpack days, and I don't want to give you a complex or anything, but it is kind of a drag ALWAYS having to figure out where to stick you.

3. Speaking of size - STOP MAKING ME GAIN WEIGHT! Enough already. I'm not arguing on this one.

4. Your family drives me slightly batty. Animas has been great, really, but your software is a joke! I haven't seen a graphics interface that lame since the original Flight Simulator. You don't seem to get along well with the USB linky thing either. I like YOU, though, so I'm willing to hope the family comes around in time.

So there it is. I think we can work on these issues. They are as much my fault as they are yours. But, I promise to stick with it if you do, kid!




Rachel said...

PS - You, insulin pump, also make people who sleep in the same bed as Lizzie VERY nervous - as they are terrified they might kill her with an innocent toss or turn in the wrong direction. Please figure out how to rectify that.

Xo- Rach

Anonymous said...

first lazik and now new possibilities.

Anonymous said...

oops negleted to post link.

Katie said...

you have mystery anonymous comments too!!!
we have anonymous fans!

and a quick note to the insulin pump:
do you have tetris installed?

Anonymous said...

Lizzie -- This is very good -- amusing, yet insightful. You might want to send it to Diabetes Forecast or something. It beats some of the dry technical crap they print for the public. (At the same time, why don't you submit the story about getting locked in Arlington Nat'l Cemetery -- that one could be the start of a movie.)

Keep on pumpin'!

Anonymous said...

Lizzie: I am interested in using the photo of the Insulin Pump in a college biology textbook. Could that be arranged?

Paul Philips
Myrna Engler Photo Research, Inc.
5337 N. Socrum Loop Rd, # 322
Lakeland, FL 33809-4256
863/ 815-8890 Phone & Fax