Sometimes I get creative...

When thinking about my half empty 30 gig iPod, I created this little tune in my head, sung to the tune of "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas.

What'cha gonna do with all them gigs
All them gigs inside that Pod?
I'mma play, play, play, play you songs
Play you songs songs all night long.

I Support the Unions!!

Especially writers. They take nothing and make funny. Or tragic. They should be compensated fairly for that talent.

Thanks to the writers and actors of The Office for making this funny video and helping a consumer like me understand what's going on with all this picket-y pop.

A: Freak. Scum. Witch. Cotton Balls.

Q: What is the TBS version of the Old School "ear muffs" scene and exactly why good movies shouldn't be allowed to be altered and shown on basic cable.

You're my boy, Blue.

Also -

100th POST!!!

On this auspicious occasion, let's got back to my roots and remember from whence the Blog o' Lizzie Musar came.

The year was 2004, and I looked like this:


I lived with my friends on a college campus seemingly built for impromptu picnics and finding your niche.

Exactly three years ago, this picture was taken:

(To preserve the Google identity of my friend in drag, I won't name names, but I will say, he made a fantastic Blair from Facts of Life.)

I was writing papers like crazy:
- By the People: Low Voter Turn Out and the Nature of Democracy in America
- Conscious of a Sinning Nation: The Changing Interpretation of Abolitionism since 1885
- More Than Victims: Women, Children, and a Feminist Interpretation of Trafficking in Persons Law

I invested a fair amount of time in crafting perfect away messages.

The future was only theoretical and rent was a myth.

An affordable dinner meant a can of tuna fish and half a sleeve of crackers.

Bad choices were occasionally worn as a badge of honor, and Mary Prankster was a battle cry.

Like a second-act teenager, I was trying my hardest to figure out adolescent skirmishes in a feigned adult world.

I still had 6 months before real life kicked in, and I couldn't wait. Looking back, this was dumb. D-U-M-B.

It was a damn good life.

I cut open my pepper and found God or a single mother

Imagine my surprise when I sliced into my red bell pepper and found this

My lunch apparently had a good time in my grocer's case, and came home knocked up. I'm not sure who the father was, but seeing as mother and child were now living in my care, I decided it was time to deliver.

Call me crazy, but doesn't this look like Babar, King of the Elephants, holding a giant green apple while wearing a jaunty green witch's hat?

With a quick cut to the umbilical root, pepper fetus becomes pepper baby.

Call the royal guard - Babar has been robbed!!

After giving the mama pepper a c-section, I ate her and threw her dissected baby in the trash. Aren't you glad that I didn't pursue a career in medicine?

Happy birthday, Mom!!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My mom's the best,
Admit it, or I'll fight you!

Happy Birthday, Pussy Cat!!!

I swear, I didn't even WANT the candy

I accidently OD'd on my NovoLog tonight. About an hour ago, I was singing in my car and shot myself up with 10 units of the old rapid acting stuff rather than the correct Levemir. Then I freaked out, because the rapid acting insulin drops your blood sugar very quickly, especially in a dose that is twice the amount that I've ever taken before. When your blood sugar drops that quickly, you pass out, and if you don't eat lots of carbs very quickly, bad things happen.

I was next to a Hollywood Video, so I ran inside and grabbed candy. What doesn't have nuts in it, what is pure sugar? Junior Mints and Kit Kat - perfect! Thanks to our consumer driven obesity epidemic, each came in double serving packs, giving me a whopping 114 carbs in two neat packages. I ate the Kit Kat so fast, I think I heard it screaming for mercy, and then chased it with half the box (so one serving) of Junior Mints. I haven't had that quick a hit of sugar in a year (remember, today is my dia-versary), so I pretty much wanted to puke in about 30 seconds and definitely confirmed that I have a cavity in upper molar.

Then, I started the phone calls. First, to my insurance's emergency nurse, who told me to call Poison Control. With thoughts of neon green Mr. Yuk stickers and big bottles of bleach, I called up Poison Control. Paul, my new Poison Control BFF, kept me testing and talking. Here's how the numbers went - before shot: 144. 15 minutes after shot: 130. 5 minutes later: 140. 5 minutes later: 145. 8 minute drive home (I was trending up and the insulin wasn't going to peak for another 40 minutes - it's ok, really): 140. Ugh, more Junior Mints and a call to Paul.

Paul gives me the green light stop eating Junior Mints (thank God, I hate them now) and to move on to real food. I now have a delicious sweet potato and hot dog waiting for me (mmm, protein and slow acting carbs), and another date to call Paul in two hours after the NovoLog should be working its way out of my system.

Maybe Paul and I will get married and this will be our how-we-met story.

PS: I'm never eating freaking candy again.

Taking a cue from the Monty Python boys and the sunny side of life

Hi everyone. This time last year my pancreas pooped out and it blew, so I'm going to dedicate this August to making the best of bad situations.

Example one - an entire Philippine prison gets down with "Thiller"

Nevermind

Unless Scott Baio is sewing some pants for the pizza delivery stripper girl in their camera-free closet, he and I are no longer BFF's. He will be replaced by Daniel Craig. Done. Daniel Craig and I will have splendid intellectual conversations.

My Celebrity BFF's

With prior posts on the Quaker Oats guy and Charles in Charge, I think I'm officially declairing July to be my month of Blog-tastic Celebrity Fixation.

Celebrities I'd Most Like to be Friends With:
1. Scott Baio - he's just some quirkily messed up
2. Bret Michaels - he's actually kind of funny when he's not sticking his tongue down the throats of desperate women. We can test our blood sugar together, but there's no way I'm sharing needles with that human petri dish - Mama didn't raise no fool.
3. Robbie Williams - whilest recently profiled on MTV Cribs, he broke out with "giz-arden" and "this is where I keep my pants," all with a lovely little accent. The Sound of Music party in the $150,000 home theatre just sealed the deal.
4. Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs guy) - so I can fix him up with my mom
5. Ben Folds - I'd like to learn how to play piano
6. Will Ferrell - he's funny Pearl the Landlord video that everyone has already seen but that I still love

They are all boys. That's weird. I guess that's because I have all the wonderful girl friends a gal could ever need - awwww!!!

I Love Scott Baio

That's all for today.

Wilford Brimley is the voice of my people

Thanks to Roommate Kirkwood for forwarding this to me. I have a new lease on life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATIE MUSAR!!

There once was a sister named Katie
If a pirate, she'd be me matey
She's my teacher of cool
And an asset to every school
On a scale of 1 to 10, she's an 80

Dear Paris Hilton's Parents,

Your daughter just went on Larry King and said that she needed jail to "make her grow up." She needed to go to JAIL to get some perspective and mature a little.

Maybe you didn't do so well in raising her.

Kisses,
Lizzie

Another reason why Apple continues to float my boat

I give you the joys of Photo Booth -






All brought to you by Katie Musar, Long Island hostest with the mostest.

One more thing

A very sad day today, Mr. Wizard has passed away.

I'd like to thank Mr. Wizard for teaching me that:
- you're taller lying down than standing up
- a feather and a quarter fall at the same rate in a vacuum
- you can suck an egg into a bottle using a match and an adult's supervision

Election Update

My guy lost by a landslide.

Turn out = 4.5%

The tagline for the Arlington Sun Gazette Newspaper (which I didn't know even existed until today):
"Reaching the most affluent audience in the DC metro area."

Ugh.

Well, 4.5% of the people spoke and that's that.

I voted for change

I voted for the guy that says everyone wants him to lose. He wants to push the limits of the position to really act as an advocate for Arlington's citizens. He has no chance of winning. And the other guy just seems too comfortable. He's stopped trying.

Also, the other guy has this horrible youtube video up with the Chairman of the Arlington County Board of Directors endorsing him and saying that no one is going to be voting in the primary, so at least you won't have to battle the lines at the polls. I don't know when I get to vote against this guy, but it's on. Maybe I'll even run against him. Voter apathy is not an appropriate marketing tool, dude.

A crisis of democracy

There is an election today in Arlington, VA. The Democratic primary is being held from 6 am to 7 pm, and there is only one contested seat on the ballot - Arlington County Treasurer. Two men who don't appear to like each other very much are running the Democratic nomination. I may be the only person intending to vote who doesn't already personally know these guys, because there doesn't seem to be any information about their actual views. What's a voter to do when all she knows about the candidates is they don't like each other?

So here's the crisis - this is a local election. There's no real advertising (I only found out about the election because of Rachel's astute eye spotting a school board sign on the road), the election has received limited press and none of it is focused on educating the voting public. It's all about the antagonism between the two.

Local politics is where the action happens and where the founders intended for the governing to happen, but there's nothing to help a voter out. Have we all adopted a not-in-my-backyard mentality when it comes to politics? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, people!! Why are we only paying attention to the governing body that is most removed from its constituent body?

So, I'm going to the polls today, and I'll cast my vote based on what I've learned during my 25 minutes of exhaustive research. Assuming that they let me vote without my missing voter registration card. I guess conviction only gets you so far.

Yo, yo, where my WASPs at?

In the fine tradition of Dynamite Hack, I give you the new ad campaign for another kooky not-vodka Smirnoff drink -

Hushed Tones Drive Musar to Madness

You know, good for Ann Curry for getting the Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt interview, but if she doesn't stop feigning this intimate friend/confessor relationship with the poor woman, I'm gonna scream. Ms. Jolie isn't buying it, and neither is anyone else. Use your big girl voice, Ann, speak at full volume and just ask questions.

Some 2 am comments from the kitchen

Hi all - I'm hanging out in my mom's kitchen at 2 am. Since I'm not very sleepy, but I can't think of an indepth topic to write about, here's a list of random thoughts that have floated through my head today:

1. When I first got my job (well, my first job there since I'm now on number two) way back in April, 2005, I remember that I was really excited because I was going to able to afford to shop at Banana Republic. I don't know what kind of crazy crack I was smoking because, after three raises and a couple bonuses, I still will not in good conscience plop down $88 on a neutral tone shirt. I'm not sure why I thought greater access to cash would lower my consumer standards.

2. I just found out that one of my old mentees won the Weber Political Science Award, of which I am a former recipient. He was always one of my favorites. I hope he doesn't blow the prize money at Banana Republic.

3. Ghostbusters II is better than Ghostbusters I. But it's hard to believe that Bill Murray was ever a romantic lead.

4. The Lizzie Musar Apple Green iPod Mini lineage has been officially retired as I have just purchased a new white iPod with video. Its name is Fluffy Bunny and I am excited to be impressed with his battery life.

5. Thank goodness the kids of Towson can now enjoy the benefits of H & M, or rather their parents can enjoy the break on their credit cards.

6. I'm a terrible judger. Judge judge judge. But my judging happens on an entirely internal plane, I don't allow my judging to impact my opinions on social services, quality of life, or civil rights. I just think bad things sometimes, I don't act on them.

7. What does that say about me?

8. Honduras is beautiful and hot. Please let me know if you would ever like to go as I will glady fold myself into your luggage for a chance to get back to the jungle.

9. Sleeping under a mosquito net was a little like sleeping in prison. A fanciful fairy princess prison that empasized captivity with a sense of whimsy.

10. A haiku about Mother's Day:
Thanks for the birth, Mom
They say it's pretty painful
Been better since then?

Look at all the places I've been!!

In other news, I'm taking applications for new immune systems as my current one is blowing through my vital organs at an alarming rate.

Oh white people, you don't get to lead anymore

While this is rather painful to watch what with the wooden delivery and icky participants, it really picks up around minute 2 when the "dancing" starts.

Hey DC/NOVA drivers -

I'm your friend. Your gas prices are lower because I'm not out there driving up demand with the rest of you. In return for this consideration, I ask one small favor.

LET ME CROSS AT THE CROSSWALK!!

If we happen to encounter each other at a crosswalk with no signal, help a sister out and let me go first. It's kinda the law.

The simple genius of Toothpaste for Dinner

If I were to start a band

It would be called "fatally relevant" and it would be an emo punk band, because as we all know "The first thing you need is a name. Then you'll know what kind of band you've got."

Record companies take note - lowercase is key and a dealbreaker. It shows that we're humble.

I bring you the McRice Burger

It's true, I have returned from my epic trek to and across Thailand! Needless to say, it was a fantastic trip! Buddhas, beaches, wicked high temperatures, and thrice-weekly massages appear to add up to the perfect vacation.

Natural beauty and cultural exploration aside, one of my favorite and most cherished Thailand memories was found just down the street from my adoped home in the Sathorn district of Bangkok. I'm not talking about the super-cool spirit house on the corner or even the grouping of working ladies and men that apparently came out after dark (I never saw them, though, so I think the Thai prostitution industry is more centralized in other parts of the city. Parts that good girls don't frequent.). No, I'm talking about the latest culinary delight cooked up by the McDonald's Corporation. I'm talking about THE MCRICE BURGER!!

First introduced to the concept by Mrs. Kristin Ritter, I could not wait to try this delicacy for myself. Below, I give you the pictoral replay of my introduction to unexpected deliciousness.

1. An ad piques my interest in this new concept. You'll note that the McRice Burger adheres to the three basic burger tenets:
1. A grain based bun - In this case, pressed rice patties
2. A meat or meat like filler - Thailand gives you the option of chicken or pork. Yum!
3. Ruffage - Lettuce AND colorful cabbage


2. A welcoming Ronald McDonald wai's me into my local franchise. Wai-ing is a Thai form of respect.


3. "Thanks, Ronald, don't mind if I do. I hear you've got a wonderful new Asian treat that my Anglo tastebuds just can't wait to try!"


4. An ingenius marketing concept, the McRice Burger box is not only stylish, but also functional - it's designed to also be a useful sandwich holder.


4. Chicken or pork? I want an experience; I'll go for pork!


5. Look at all that goodness.


6. I take a moment to mentally prepare.


7. Words have literally failed me, though I hope this picture properly conveys my culinary delight.


8. A truly satisfied customer, and, dare I say, a lifelong convert to the temple of the McRice Burger.

Haiku about Thailand

(Blogging from Krabi, on the Andaman Coast of Southern Thailand)

Buddhas, beaches, sun
Will the temp'rature please fall?
I'll stay regardless.

Currently weighing my options about extending my trip.

Notes from a Tokyo airport

Hi all! I'm in Narita International Airport in Tokyo. My flight to Bangkok has been slightly delayed (eh, what's four hours between allies? Gives 'em more time to get my bag on the new plane!), so I've had some time to explore the Japanese retail aviation scene. Here are my observations so far:

1. Place your money in the little tray on the counter, not in the saleslady's hand. She won't know what to do with it if you put it in her hand. It will throw her for concentration. This also just seems like a more polite way of handling things.

2. I heart Japan for one simple reason - my grilled squid for dinner came with a side of mayo for dipping! Dipping mayo, just like Canada! It was beyond delicious.

3. There is a wonderful store call Comme Ca. If I had a lot of money to blow, I would spend it there. Lots of t shirts with Japanese characters saying odd things in English.

4. The English translations are very good and get the point across, but still make me giggle. "Make a 100 yen coin to commence me up" = "Please insert 100 yen to begin Internet service."

5. The Japanese have taken candy to a whole new level. Everything looks so sickeningly sweet and gooey'ed that even if I could eat it, I probably wouldn't. But I like to stare at it.

6. Japanese airport shopping mean Hermes, Coach, and Versace. To

Thailand 2k7 Resolutions

So I leave for Thailand is less than one week. In fact, I leave for Thailand in 6 days and 15 hours. I think we can all safely assume that this is going to be a trip unlike any other in the life of Lizzie Musar, so I've taken the liberty of making a few resolutions before I go.

1. I will not walk around Thailand with my iPod in my ears.
This may be the only time that I will ever walk the streets of Bangkok and beyond, and I don't want to miss the sounds of Thailand because I was too busy listening to John Mayer. In fact, I won't even bring my iPod with me. If anything, I'll bring my recently rediscovered discman so I can buy and rock out to the foreign hip hop I always end up becoming facinated with when I travel overseas.

2. I will sample whatever food is placed in front of me.
Including dog, if it comes to that. This may be a vicious rumor, but the good people of Southeast Asia may have been eating dog, cat, and any other cute animal for a long time now, so it's probably safe. There is nothing separating a dog or monkey from the fish that I just ate for dinner, so I will embrace the culture of my hosts (not Kristin Ritter, who has most decidedly NEVER eaten dog).

3. I will not go cheap.
Granted I have things to save for and it's never a good idea to waste money, but I don't think I'll regret spending some extra cash to experience all that I can during my two weeks in Thailand.

4. I will overcome my hated of touch and indulge in many fine massages.
Some of you know that I do not like to be touched. Well, I'm going to the capital of threapeutic massage and my neck and left shoulder have been hurting me for the past month. Coincidence? I think not.

I think that's probably enough for now.

My Academic Experience at McDaniel College

I just found the CD that now contains all of my old papers from school. I'd like to now sum up these exercises by demonstrating the two common threads I have discovered:

Two Hours More of Mario Kart Can't Hurt:
The Endless Procrastination of Elizabeth Jean Musar and Her Subsequent Need to Pull Genius from Her Bum

I had a real problem with distraction and compound titles. Some might call it an addiction.

In related news, I found the article that I wrote for the Phoenix/Free Press that encouraged people to vote so they would be more attractive to the opposite (or same, whatever floats your boat) sex. While most of it is pretty bad, I enjoyed this closing section immensely -
Remember to always practice responsible voting. Vote sober, vote safely with appropriate ballot box protection, and always make sure Election Night activities are consensual. If you think you need a little practice harnessing your inner voter sexiness before Nov. 5th, the debates start Sept. 30th. Happy Voting!

I am a diabetic GENIUS!!

While at the gym yesterday, I had to test my blood sugar. I do this all the time. For the uninitiated, it involves using something that looks like a pen to poke your finger, then load the resulting drop of blood onto a little disposable strip that sticks out a machine that's about the size of the palm of your hand. It all looks like this:


It may not seem like a pain (except for the poking part), but it can be. Having to take out two little machines 6-10 times a day is not only inconvenient, but it's pretty conspicuous with all the visible blood and large electronics.

So, I give you this - THE ALL IN ONE, SELF-CONTAINED BLOOD GLUCOSE TESTING SOLUTION!!


It's pretty sweet, and while I don't quite understand how it would work, I have high hopes for my little contraption. See, you prick your finger and suck up the blood with the same little pen device. The strips are still disposable, and you load in a bunch of them at once. One stick out for each test, then gets thrown away. The whole thing can be kept in a small padded carrying case, and take the whole process from 5 steps to about 2 steps.

As my gift to the world, I'm not going to patent my idea. There's no way that I could produce this thing, and I'd much rather that someone at Accu-Chek get on this right away so that I can start using it. Perhaps they can name it after me.